there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
