I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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