I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
