Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
