You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
