if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
