I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
