Apparently you make a good broom.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
