FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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