Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
