I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
