The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
