apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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