You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
