You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
