It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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