Jerry, you need to find god
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
