Umm I'm too high to move.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
