She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Someone shattered a urinal.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
