Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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