I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
