And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
