So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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