Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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