So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
