I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
