Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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