i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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