I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
