Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
