Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
