Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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