Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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