Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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