i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
