Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
