I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
