We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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