you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
