fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
