I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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