If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
