Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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