I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
