Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
