Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
