i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you remember whose house we're in?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
