I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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