I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
