Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
